Day 13: My mode of transportation

So, this is my ride......

It's a 1983 Volvo 240D.


I got my drivers permit in 1983.

The right windshield wiper doesn't work, the fan doesn't work, the back tail light is covered in tape......

It rattles....

It hums....

It has a lot of miles on it.


257, 345 miles to be exact.

Some say it's just about broken in.

The doors creak when you open them....

It has a sunroof.

It's a manual car with electric overdrive.....


It rails and I love it.

I bought it from a man whose son used to drive it.

His son died when he was just 19 years old.....from meningitis.

I understood how difficult it was for Tom to sell this car.

We cried together at the DMV when we transferred the title.

I feel honored.

I think about Thomas all the time when I drive. I wonder what he would say when the window stopped rolling down, or the car wouldn't start, or the overdrive stopped working......

I wonder who rode in the car with him...

Who he laughed with while on road trips.


I wonder what music rocked the speakers.......

I wonder.....

Did he love this car like I do?

Do I love it partly because of him?

I think I do.

His family has become very special to me.

In fact, they've become like family.

Oh, and have I mentioned.....

I love my car.

Day 12: What's in my bag

What's in my bag?

If you asked my husband, he would probably say "the whole damn house". If you felt how much it weighs, you might agree with him.

Here's the list of contents.

Wallet
Cell phone
2 check books
camera
ipod w/charger
Q3 recorder (most of the time)
Audio Technica noise cancelling earbuds
Ibuprofen
Bi Yan Pian (for allergies)
Nail set (clippers, files)
guitar picks
capo
tuner
Gum
hair bands
lip gloss
kleenex
inhaler
homeopathic remedies for vertigo
eye drops
a couple of pens
usually a shopping list
small umbrella
deodorant

I often wonder if I really "need" to have all these items in my purse. I will go through it and try to eliminate items. It usually goes something like this.

Q: Do I take ibuprofen daily? A: No, but when I need it, I've got it.

Q: How 'bout the umbrella? A: Well, it is Portland.

Q: Camera? A: Gotta have the camera.

Every time I end up taking something out I end up needing it one day and putting it back in. It's all about being prepared for anything.

Day 11: My Siblings

This one is kind of complicated as I have had many "siblings" over the years. Most were in the form of foster children that came and went in a rather short period of time and I promise you, it was never without drama. They all had an impact on me, though, and I have never forgotten any of them.

I have one biological sister. She is 3 years older than me. We are polar opposites. In fact, most people have a hard time believing that we are related. She is the mother of my niece who I adore. We may be very different people, but she's a good gal and I love her.

I also have a brother who was adopted and then "un-adopted" 6 years later but I have never stopped considering him to be my sibling. For 20+ years I didn't know if he was dead, alive, in jail, a millionare.......then one day his face popped up on Facebook as someone I may know. My heart started beating so fast I thought I would die (well, not really DIE, but you get my drift). I contacted him and am proud to again have him in my life. He has overcome much to become the Dad and man that he is today.

Day 10: What I wore today

I admit it.....
I'm vain.
Is that a bad thing?
I try to look good.
I work out,
I eat right.
I try to be fashionable.

It makes me feel good.

Today, however,
it was cold.
Real cold.
Not a "dry" cold.
The wet kind....
that chills you to the bone.

I had to wear a lot of clothes to stay warm.
So.....
here's what I wore today.....

Sometimes
it's what's underneath it all
that makes me feel good.

Never underestimate the power of sexy undies.

I might of been cold, but I felt good.

Ponder that, my friends.

Day 09: My Beliefs

For some reason, blogging about my beliefs is stressing me out a bit. Perhaps it's from being raised as a Conservative Baptist.....need I say more? I was raised believing in God....the ONE true God. No other religion had the right One.

I was chosen.


But wait a second....I thought God gave us free will....how come my being "saved" was because I was "chosen"?

And...

How is the trinity like an egg?
If The Father is wholly God and the Son is wholly God and the Holy Spirit is wholly God, then the egg analogy just doesn't work for me cause the yolk is just a yolk.....the shell is just a shell....

you get my drift.

If it's just as bad to think about sex as it is to have sex, then why not just have sex?
It's way more fun,
right?


Why is it okay to use the words "God" and "Lord" and "Jesus" over and over and over again while in prayer, but it's evil to say "God damn it"? Isn't the prayer using His name in vain, too?
Not to mention, I could turn any word into a swear word.
It has the same intention.


Oh, the questions......
My problem is that I'm too logical to not ask questions.
I am too smart to believe just because someone told me I should.
I want to know WHY I believe what I do.


I want to know why everyone I've heard tell their salvation story begins with.....
"I was at my lowest point"......"I was a loser"......."I was broken".....
Can't you be happy and at your highest point in life when you begin to believe?


Why is it that every church I have ever attended has had so many critical, unforgiving and judgemental people in it?

I want no part of the "religious" aspect anymore.
I can't say that I don't in some way still believe.
I'm just not sure exactly what that is anymore.

I believe in loving people for who they are.
I believe in being true to myself.
I am a seeker of truth.
I believe that truth sets us free.

Day 08: A Precious Item

Let me start by saying that I am quite a sentimental person. Nostalgia runs deeply through my veins. I love things with a history. More often than I would like, my mother asks me what "things" I would like of theirs when they pass on. To me, this is just vulgar. I don't care so much about "things". I want the history.....the old baby shoes.....the pictures.....the dolls my mother played with and treasured as a child......the things that honestly have no real monetary value.

Now, let me also say, that my sister is by far the favored child. I am the black sheep....the one who isn't "quite like the others". I know this.....my family knows this. I love them dearly and I know that they love me, but I also know that I am not the person they dreamed I would become. So, suffice it to say, I was more than a little stunned and extremely moved by the beautiful gift my mother gave me last Christmas.

I am a Libra. My mother is a Libra. My great grandmother Lucinda was a Libra. The Opal is our birthstone. I have always loved opals and I have been aware, since I was a child, that my mother had a very unique opal ring. This ring originally belonged to my great grandmother who I believe received it on her 18th birthday. Now, if I remember correctly, my great grandmother was one of 10 children, as was my great grandfather. They, however, only had one child.....my grandfather, George. He married Fay....my grandmother and since she was the only "daughter" she was given this ring when they were married (I think). My mother always loved this ring and being the only daughter who was a Libra, she was given the ring when she turned 18.......are you following me? Growing up, I was certain that when I turned 18, I might receive the ring. I was wrong. I was also disappointed. My hopes that someday I, too, would one day wear this ring faded as the years passed.

About a year and a half ago, my mother had the ring on and I mentioned how beautiful it was and how I had always loved it. She seemed surprised and mentioned that it was in need of repair. Little attention was given to the subject and the conversation quickly moved on to other topics. Fast forward 6 months to Christmas of 2009. There was a small present under the tree with my name on it. When it was handed to me, I was a little surprised because it was a gift only from my mother. Now, I don't think I have EVER been given a gift by only one of my parents before. I had no idea what to think. When I opened it and found the ring I had always loved, I was moved to tears. I don't think I even knew how much this gesture of love could mean to me until that moment. She had had it repaired and had given it to ME......not my sister.....not my niece.....to Me. Her black sheep daughter. Her birthday child......

It is beautiful.
It is history passed down for generations.
It is mine......and it is precious.

Day 07: My Best Friend

My best friend knows who he is. 'Nuff said.

Day 06: My Hobbies

I love to take pictures. Everywhere I go, I have a camera on me. My passion for photography was born the year my uncle-to-be took my sister and I to the Rose Festival parade. I think I was about 10 years old. I thought he was sooooo cool! He had a camera and he let me use it to take pictures of all the princesses and horses and floats......I was in heaven. Well, that is until a week later when I excitedly asked to see the pictures I had taken and was told that I had taken the entire lot of them with the lens cap on. Years later, after owning cameras of my own, I can't help but wonder if there just wasn't any film in the camera and he didn't have the heart to tell me. All I know, is that from that day on I had the photography bug.

I'm still really quite a novice when it comes to taking pictures.
I've never taken a class.
I don't really know how to use Photoshop.
I'm still trying to figure out shutter speeds and aperture settings.

Still.

There's nothing like being the only one looking through a lens and seeing
what only I can see
in that particular space.......at that particular moment.

It's magic.


I also fence.

And......
I sport bruises because of this.
And......
I get funny looks because of them.
This can be awkward at times.
But darn it, I earn those bruises.
I'm proud of them in a sick sort of way.
They're my battle scars
Fortunately, I have a talented friend
who can turn them into pretty arm decorations.
See the pretty bird?

It's a sport that is not for the faint of heart.
It's not instant gratification.
You have to work for it.
Hard.

I've met some of the most amazing people through fencing.
Some of the most intelligent people through fencing.
Some of my favorite people through fencing.

So......
Before you call me crazy.....
You have to try it.

If only our outfits looked more like this......

Just sayin'.

Day 05: My Definition of Love

Love, love, love.......a word that is used and overused and so often spoken in the same manner as the words hello and goodbye....

I'm guilty of it's overuse....don't get me wrong. I "LOVE" this and "LOVE" that.....

So how do I define a word that has so many levels of meaning? I think you'll understand what my definition of love is by reading the words to one of my songs.......

"Anywhere with You"

I was waiting on an angel
Never thought my angel'd really come.
I thought I'd be waiting forever
Now, forever doesn't seem so long

The sun shines a little brighter
Wherever you are
So I'll go anywhere with you......

You turn my darkness into the morning
You turn my winter into the warmest Spring

The sun shines a little brighter
Wherever you are
So I'll go anywhere with you

I could climb the tallest mountain
I could cross the deepest sea
All I know is the world is better
When you're in it with me

The sun shines a little brighter
Wherever you are
So I'll go anywhere with you.

Day 04: My Music

You might think that since I have a degree in Music and because I've worked in the industry for the past 19 years, that this would be an easy topic for me to write about. Believe it or not, it isn't.....

Yes, I love music....not just 'love', that's such an overused word, it's a passion. With that passion, though, I have never become an obsessed fan or even one who knows all the people in the band, every song they've ever written, how many albums they've recorded, who produced them, etc. That may seem strange, but it's just never been about the band or the artist for me. I really don't care what genre it comes from either. I like good music. Plain and simple. It's about whether a song moves me. Whether it makes me happy or reminiscent or even sad, it doesn't really matter....it just has to speak to me.

When I think back on my life so far I do have memories of music that I listened to....over and over again....not forever, some not in a long time, but nevertheless they influenced my appreciation for music in some way. This is certainly not a list that is complete, but these artists and bands do stick in my mind.

My Early Years:

Anne Murray....Oh how I loved her voice
The Carpenters....again, Karen's voice riveted me.
The Gaithers....we listened to a lot of gospel in my childhood home. It gave me a love for rich harmonies.
The Manhattan Transfer....Vocal Jazz at it's best.
Placido Domingo....I would listen to him for hours.

High School:

David Bowie....Let's Dance, China Girl....Uh! So good. A legend.
Prince and the Revolution....So amazingly talented....love Prince to this day.
Duran Duran....Hungry like the Wolf....Yowza!
Queen....I so wish that we still had Freddie Mercury and could hear what he was doing today.
Pink Floyd....Dark side of the Moon....
Swing Out Sister

College:

I think I was having a bit of a Glam Rock phase.....what more can I say?

Scorpions
Rush
Poison
Iggy Pop
Bad English


The 90's:

The Cranberries....Such a hauntingly beautiful voice....
Stone Temple Pilots...."Creep", "Sex Type Thing", "Wicked Garden"....I swear I loved every single one of their songs.
Social Distortion....Punk and Rockabilly perfectly blended. Self-titled "Social Distortion" is still one of my favorite rock albums.
Seal....His songs were perfection in my book.
Alice in Chains...."Man in the Box"....Grunge, grunge, grunge. Loved those chunky power chords.
No Doubt....Ska coming from a white girl from Orange county...."Don't Speak"....who can't relate to that?
Dan Reed Network....Local Portland band that rocked like no other.
Macy Gray.....proved you didn't have to be like everyone else to be awesome.
Barbara Streisand....I know, I know....I seriously went through a HUGE phase with her. What can I say. Her voice is perfection.

Who I listen most to now:

David Gray
Ray LaMontagne
Brandi Carlile
KT Tunstall
Ingrid Michaelson
The Frames
Steely Dan
John Mayer
Keb Mo'
Eva Cassidy
Rickie Lee Jones
Tom Waits
Ben Folds
The Wallflowers
The Thorns

This latest list has greatly influenced me as a songwriter. Lyrics and their delivery....whether simple or complex.....their songs or someone elses. They all reach me and make me want to hear more.

Whew! Done with Day 04....I think I'll go play guitar now.

Day 03: My Parents

Geez.....I'm only on day 3 and I'm already wishing I could ditch this whole 30 day plan. I'm feeling constrained by it's limitations. However, as someone who follows through and does what I say I will, I find myself committed to doing what I said I would do. The life of a Libra.....the life of being me. I swear sometimes I want to slap myself.

So. On to day 03: My Parents

My parents have been married for 47 years. Amazing, right? I think that more than the number of years, the really amazing thing is that they truly still love each other. I was blessed to grow up in a home without parental fighting. They never spoke ill of each other....they never yelled at each other.....they never put each other down. They always stood united.

My parents taught me so much about what it is to be a good person. To work hard....to have integrity....to think for myself....to know why I believe in what I believe in. To have strength of character. To be kind. To be loving when I don't feel the love. To admit when I'm wrong. To ask for forgiveness.....to forgive.

I may not have become the person they had hoped I would be, but I can truly say that I am grateful for how I was raised. I am very much the person I am today because of them.....and I'm okay with that.

Day 02: My first love

Since I'm sure that no one is really DYING to know who my first love was and not being the type of person to kiss and tell, I've decided to approach this topic from a different angle. When I think back to the earliest memory I have of feeling moved by something....I have no doubt that my first love in life was music. I can't remember a day in my life where I didn't have a song in my head....a melody coming from my lips. In fact, I'm told that I was singing before I could talk. I need music. I breathe music. I need it's release.....it's soul.

I will never forget the day, when I was about 11 years old, that I told my mother that I hoped she wouldn't be mad at me because I didn't want to be a nurse......I wanted to be a musician. She just chuckled and told me that she never expected me to be a nurse.... that I could be whatever I wanted. I was in tears because it was so important to me. I was more than relieved that she understood.

Yeah....music was definitely my first love and 42 years later, we're still together.

So I guess I'm going to be a blogger

I'm not sure why I feel the need to blog.....maybe it's just the sense of knowing that my words are heard. Sometimes it seems that I'm a boat adrift at sea....lost in my thoughts and nothing to do with them. Perhaps this will just be a spot where I write purely for the sense of getting things out of my head......perhaps it will become a place of communication between myself and the people I love who live far away....perhaps it will just be a blog of nonsense. Whatever it becomes....I will always exist, being Carrie. I think to get myself going on this here blogging thing.....I'll spend the next 30 days with a little guidance. So here goes......

Welcome to my world.

Day 01:

Hi,I'm Carrie. I have two middle names. I'm mainly of French and Irish descent which I like to say makes me a lover and a fighter. I'm married to a Southern boy.....a southern French boy. I learned to cook after visiting France for the first time and realizing that I couldn't return to the States and Chicken Voila for my meals.

I can't remember a time when music wasn't a part of my life. I play guitar. I sing. I write. I manage the coolest Acoustic Guitar store in the Northwest.(Granted,I may be biased, but I'm allowed to be that way on my own blog.)

I love to take pictures. I love to travel. I love my two cats. I sport fence. I'm a "cup's half full" kind of person. I try to find the positive in everything even when it's positively impossible. I'm a "say it like it is" kind of gal. I love to laugh. I am never bored. I make no excuses. I am who I am.....and I'm okay with that.

Day 01 - Introduce Yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – Your music
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your hobbies
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A precious item
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – Your mode of transportation
Day 14 – Where you live
Day 15 – Your childhood
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – Your morning routine
Day 21 – Your job and/or schooling
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – Your sleeping habits
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your favorite foods/drinks
Day 30 – Your aspirations